So, this is what I’ve learned in 31 years of life, in no particular order:
1) When in doubt, start anything in the microwave at 2 minutes.2) Chronic ditziness never, ever goes away.
3) There are usually three versions to a story of how someone got injured or sick. One version told to the EMTs, one version told to the ER nurse, and the real version told to the ER doctor.
4) The mess in the back of an ambulance after a squad run is directly proportional to the seriousness of an injury or illness. The bigger the mess, the more serious the injury or illness.
5) Drama kings and queens usually stink as workers.
6) The more kids someone has, the more patient they are as nursing home residents.
7) Good neighbors are worth their weight in gold!
8) Using someone’s full first name or first and middle names together is bound to get their attention, even if they are old enough to be your parent or grandparent.
9) A good nurse always has alcohol wipes in their pockets.
10) If you start an IV or remove an IV on someone on any type of blood thinner, even 81 mg of aspirin a day, you better be prepared with plenty of 4x4 gauze and ready to put your entire body weight on your thumb to either stop the bleeding until you get the tubing attached or a clot forms.
11) The best sound ever is a baby crying as you walk in the door of someone’s house when you’ve been called out for a baby not breathing.
12) Cream cheese icing + Town House crackers = awesome snack!
13) Just because you forgive and forget someone doesn’t mean you allow them to make the same mistake again.
14) Lists and schedules keep me sane.
15) #14 saves my sanity for those times when every list and schedule has to go out the window.
16) Inside jokes are the best jokes.
17) If you fax any type of paper to anyone, you better call them and confirm they got it as soon as you send it, or else it’ll be lost.
18) The amount of psychotropic medication someone is one is not proportional to their level of sanity.
19) No soap can make you feel as squeaky clean as after you’ve gone to Confession.
20) The only church is the Catholic Church.