Sunday, September 25, 2011

The Dress

I found it at the second shop we looked at.  It was the only dress with sleeves (a must!) in my size.  When I tried it on it fit perfectly, like it was made just for me.  We looked at a few other stores, but nothing compared to that dress.  I knew it was going to be my wedding dress.

The day of my wedding, I remember standing in shock, looking at my reflection in the mirror.  Until then, I never saw myself as beautiful.  In that dress I saw myself as beautiful.

I walked down the aisle in the dress and promised to love, honor, and cherish a man who I thought I would be with the rest of my life.

After the wedding, I put the dress away and dreamed of the day I would use some of my dress to make a baptismal gown for a future little one, or maybe a future daughter would walk down the aisle in the same dress.

Then, one day I woke up and I found out that my life wasn’t how it seemed.  I realized that the man I married wasn’t who he presented himself to be.  So, I cried a little, took a breath, and started picking up the pieces.  I believed that things could still work and I would still have my happily ever after.

After awhile, I realized that instead of things getting better, they were getting worse.  I found out that the man I thought I married was nowhere near to the child he really was.  I realized that to stay in this marriage would mean spending the rest of my life not as a wife, but as a caregiver to a mentally ill man.  So, I got angry, cried a lot, took a lot of breaths, and, with the help of God and a lot of amazing people, left that marriage and started rebuilding my life.

While rebuilding my life, I found out how amazing, strong, and beautiful I really am, even if I’m wearing an old skirt and t-shirt and repacking an entire house of stuff!  I realized that things with huge sentimental value, like wedding dresses, are just things.  I figured out a new definition of happily ever after and am working towards achieving that dream, with the new understanding that I must keep my mind open to God’s will for me.  My favorite prayer is, “God, this is what I think you want me to do, if not stop me!”

And the dress?  Right now it’s at a used bridal sale.  With any luck it’ll sell and I’ll use the money towards my new happily ever after.

Friday, September 23, 2011

What I Did On My Summer Vacation

School started this week, so and I think I did pretty well on my break list:

1)      I didn’t get to work any extra hours.  The hours available were days I was either already working or had to be home as soon as work was over because I was on call with squad.
2)      I made some decent progress on The Hidden Manna.  I found the first hundred pages or so to be very tough reading, but once I figured out who were heretics and who were not, it became much easier.  I’ve often wondered what exactly the Protestant “reformers” were thinking when they left the Church; after reading parts in this book, I’ve concluded that they weren’t thinking!
3)      The car is clean!  Labor Day morning was spent washing, scrubbing (including hubcaps!), vacuuming, and waxing.  It shines like brand new!
4)      I was able to do 1.5 hours of CEUs on bath salts, as that’s all that was available.  I’ve never completely understood why people would want to ingest substances that caused them to lose control of themselves, so abusing substances is beyond me!
5)      As you can see, I adjusted the blog layout and added as patron saints of this blog Mother Thrice Admirable, Queen and Victress of Schoenstatt and St. Michael.  I’m still not sure if I like it or what I should change; it seems more crowded now, but I’m not sure what to do about it.  Any thoughts would be appreciated!
6)      I have a few blog pieces written ahead of time and a few more bouncing in my head.  It seems when I get a few out, a few more come in!
7)      The books are bought and, when stacked up, measure around 3 feet high!  Amazon and the college bookstore wanted my firstborn, but when I explained I didn’t have a firstborn, they were happy to take my debit and credit cards!

God Bless!